After I relate and notice with straight guys and women, it makes me feel as gay life sometimes is suck due to I understand the situation, feeling and mood of both sexes. I give the reason why the gay guy  feels blue and lonely , notice from myself and friends below;



1) Strong and Fragile  – Sometimes, I’m so manly, I can punch on anyone’s faces and can their asses as a boy while I’m so emotional and drama as a girl.


2) Take Care – That one may be different. In my experience, I’m often cancelled appointment in the air. One night, I was appointed to dated with a guy. I was on the taxi. We had kept sending the massage. When I was in his hotel. The guy apologized and asked me to go back home at 11.15 pm. If I was a girl, this situation rare occurred because a girl is weakness than a man.


3) Guys – Damn… I see a lot of Asian, Black, Latino and White guys on the street,  young and handsome face,  sexy chest and ass but I can’t say ” Hi ” or need to know them although as a friend. They are a pussy lover while I’m a cock lover.


4) Relation – I notice that relation between the straight couple is easier and longer than the gay guy. My bro broke my girl’s friend’s heart. She felt upset in few days before got the new one easier than me.  I think, it’s natural instinct  that the guy should be a playboy. It makes the gay lifestyle is harder although I see a lot of sweet gay couple ( except the open relation one ).


5) Career – The woman’s life must be easier than the gay guy. If they got a nice one, married , having babies and become a housewife. The gay guy can’t do that, the most gay guys go working. I rare hear any stories of the gay guy except Master and Slave stories which needs a gay guy to be a housewife. 


6) Fear – I’m 28 years old and I fear to be alone in 3o years old. It might be a woman problem but i take it to be my problem. Now, I’m young, energy and beautiful. My skin, body and everything must change in the older age. I not often see any guys need to date with over 30 years old in This country.


7) Unhappy – I can say, I jealous a straight couple as least a straight friends. They have more choices and brave to chose their own way although I have kept teaching them about seducing and bitchy for keeping the relation. 


8) Social Network – Social Network makes us rave and  go too far from the relation. It’s different from 10 years ago which we rare had any social network. We contacted on the email and msn only. I feel the social network comes to put over passion until we think only about sex and fun much more than the serious relation.


Finally, I’m single and imagined to find a guy as Adam Levine.. LOL




I think my life in Bangkok  like a cocktail,  mixed, colorful, sweet, sexy and drunk in the same times while the taste of cocktail can lose in the same times or the day after that.


I’m always seduced by the taste of  my life cocktail in the bar. People is so sexy, colorful and brighter than I can image. I’m in the other shade in the dark side of it, start  smiling and being bright in few minutes. Finally, it’s going to the hell. If I don’t start unhappy , first, a guy starts first.  Our communication can’t go in the right way. It used to be annoyed while it used to be sexy words ,too.

In the raining , I saw the gay couple at the bar. The raining made me think like a fuck. I looked better, sexier and nicer than all of them but in the end, I’m single. Bitches got all of them. It’s unbelievable, I’m not happy about it.  I don’t believe in the theory of ” Why the guy love bitches “. I can state myself that I’m educated , smart, sexy and good personal  bitch but I have still lost with the guy who can’t speak any English words. My idea is the foreigner loving something more Thai, modest , smile and tan skin, not like the guy who can complain,  can give the idea and yes, can give the better guideline for them.

The day after I woke up on the bed with a strange  62 yo Brit guy. We fought at night about biz. Alcohol made me accept him in 1 night. In the  next day, I was fucking queen bee. He didn’t wake up me in the time which we planned to okay badminton, I went to work late, I was so mean. I didn’t give my number and kiss him anymore.   My cocktail taste ‘s gone. I lost trust and love.

The Day Without Love is going on with the music of David Gutta and Jessie J.  We can’t go back to have the same taste.


 After I got too much trick , cheating, and cut salary with out the reason from my ex company, I decided to run away and worked with Mr. Smart ‘s bar ( I got scouted over 1 month ). I worked at the bar in the first time yesterday while I couldn’t  dump my job, I am a freelance property adviser. It’s so tough for me but I think, I can pass this situation.


    Last week, my world was sick. I interfered about my future because I exactly had never ever though I should in the bar but I finally accepted it quick due to I though about Billy Joel’s song, The Piano Man. I think, I just break from the job and start finding the new one next 3 months.  It must be bad which I use the work mode there due to people might feel, I’m not cute for it but I gonna respond, manage and control all situation. It’s not the gay bar but I gonna make it work.

Next week, I gonna more aggressive about my freelance job in the daytime due to I can make the jackpot. I wanna make money.. I don’t know money becomes my passion now. I have many things to do and sure, I’m  fucking single and single. I think, in the other sides that money can make me  launch other business which i can talk with a guy who I like. I can get him, business and money, Triple jackpot. I gonna do the best now.


I have the idea to write the fiction again ( I never  finished any fiction except the stage play script ). I wanna do the gay one and 2 normal one. This time, it doesn’t have any plan anymore.I just write, write and write down them on the paper or internet. 


I’m still happy and life is going on.



       Raining in Bangkok makes me moody. In the fact, rain makes the rice to Thailand but for  Bangkokian , we see only the concrete jungle. That makes us down under the fucking wet and humid.


I worked at the office today under the raining and sure, the no emergency silent from my boss. I got the phone from my friend who I had sex with him 2 years ago. I just found 100 reasons to not go to meet him after I got sick when I went to the beach at Pattaya while he didn’t worry and didn’t care me anymore. I love his respect but not like that time.  My fingers couldn’t stop from my IPOD, I chatted with a hot German guy who I met on the gay dating site. He makes me feel that we’re fit together although it has something strange between us.


       Rain brought me to the subway and met a hot white guy in the suit on it. He’s shorter , cute and young face with the brown hair. We got off in the same station but I didn’t follow him to the same bus due to I hate to stand on the bus.  Damn.. The rain makes me get mad, horny and fucking alcoholic. I need to talk at the bar but nobody there.


Raining Blue comes with the lonely day under the rain